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Cemetery with stone crosses

‘Die Heretic Scum’ By Emo Philips

This is an excellent story by Emo Philips about religious tolerance and fundamentalism.

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

So I ran over and said ‘Stop! don’t do it!’ ‘Why shouldn’t I?’ he said.

I said, ‘Well, there’s so much to live for!’ He said, ‘Like what?’ I said, ‘Well…are you religious or atheist?’

He said, ‘Religious.’ I said, ‘Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?’ He said, ‘Christian.’ I said, ‘Me too!

Are you Catholic or Protestant?’ He said, ‘Protestant.’ I said, ‘Me too!
Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?’ He said, ‘Baptist!’

I said, ‘Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist church of god or Baptist church of the lord?’ He said, ‘Baptist church of god!’

I said, ‘Me too! Are you original Baptist church of god, or are you reformed Baptist church of god?’
He said, ‘Reformed Baptist church of god!’ I said, ‘Me too!

Are you reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?’. He said, ‘Reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!’

I said, ‘Die, heretic scum,’ and pushed him off.

(Emo Phillips)

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Summary of the Story

This is an excellent story by Emo Philips about religious tolerance and fundamentalism.

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